Skateboarding Sucks

Skateboarding has grown into a multimillion-dollar industry, being legitimized in the public’s eyes by large events such as street league, and most recently the introduction of skateboarding into the Olympics. But with this increase in popularity, have skateboarders assumed a more professional and respectful role? The answer is yes. Skateboarders are loved and respected by all, especially your old auntie Mildred.

Although people may reject the presentation of athletes and think of them as grimy skaters, just know that we are more than that, we are raw talent and contrary to popular belief get amazing grade. I have had a 4.0 GPA for all four years of my high schooling.

Recently, there has been so much cultural appropriation of skating such as scooters invading MY skate park. And I’m telling you, I don’t think I can take it anymore, there’s been more of those stupid stick-boarded twerps trying to hit my ankles than I’d care to admit.

I mean yeah, they wear Supreme and Thrasher, so they’re basically real skaters but why can’t we just get along. Stop being a poser. Scooters stopped being cool when I was 6 years old. Back in Germany, they had a saying; don’t ever buy a scooter. That was it.

In skateboarding, there are trends in clothing, accessories, and styles of tricks. But these subtle differences can be undetectable to an untrained eye. Skating is like testing a fine non-alcoholic wine. You can fake your way into some really messed up situations. If you wear a Thrasher shirt to a skatepark and fall off your skateboard, it is legal in the state of Utah to dump Mountain Dew on your poser Vans. Watch as your socks get the strange taste of a green toxic soda, probably full of Hulk level radiation. Pick any skatepark and you will be able to loosely try and fit the skaters into different skate styles, but ultimately what one skater frowns upon, other skaters treasure. Nobody cares about your Instagram clips and mediocre skating, also your obnoxious music taste is disgusting. Lil Uzi Vert is the worst rapper ever, and blasting with bass boost over your mediocre skating does not make you cooler. The great clips are shared all over, and the controversial clips are devoured by a never-ending war of criticism online.